What Is Abstinence?

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Abstinence is when someone intentionally doesn’t do something. Abstinence can apply to drugs, diet, etc, but we will be specifically discussing abstinence from PIV (penis-in-vagina) sexual intercourse. Any type of abstinence can require high levels of willpower, discipline, and self-control. Abstaining from PIV intercourse is the only practice that is guaranteed to avoid unwanted pregnancies. Some people practice abstinence from all sexual activities, while some practice abstinence from certain forms of sexual activity.

Reasons Why People Choose Abstinence:

  • Prevent transmission of STDs

  • Prevent unwanted pregnancies

  • Disinterest in sexual activities

  • Waiting on a reliable method of contraception

  • Wanting to maintain a healthy relationship without sexual activity

  • Waiting until one feels ready for a sexual relationship

  • Waiting to find the right partner or waiting to build trust with one’s current partner

  • Wanting to focus on other interests such as education, career, or personal growth

  • Dealing with a separation from a partner and needing time to one’s self

  • Living in alignment with personal or religious beliefs, morals, or values

  • Current medical or bodily condition that makes sex undesirable or unsafe

Abstinence can be done whenever someone chooses and for whatever reasons they have. For some, abstinence is a permanent part of their life. Since abstaining from something is a personal choice, anyone can choose what abstinence entails for them.

Does Being Abstinent From Sex Mean Being Abstinent From Intimacy?

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Abstinence is whatever someone wants it to be, so intimacy is certainly not off the table. There are plenty of ways to experience intimacy that involve ample pleasure, fun, and closeness with another person without exchanging bodily fluids.

Some options of physical affection that are still enjoyed among people practicing abstinence range in their level of sexual expression. For example: cuddling, hugging, holding hands, massaging, showering together, kissing, masturbating, dry humping, playing with sex toys, or fingering. Depending on one’s reasons for choosing abstinence, one might engage in oral sex or anal sex, since they have no possibility of causing pregnancy.

Abstinence and Communication

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  • No matter if you are practicing abstinence or not, you should always discuss what sexual activities you are or are not interested in with your partner before engaging in any form of sex. Having open conversations with your partner where you discuss your boundaries and interests is important, regardless of if you’re engaging in sex or not.

  • Communications like these, when followed up with respect and understanding, are critical. Open discussion helps to safeguard against anyone feeling hurt, deprived, violated, misled, pressured, or tempted to cross their boundaries. Abstinence can be discontinued or resumed at any time, but this is a personal decision that should always involve full consent of everyone involved.

  • Many long-term and happy partnerships do not involve PIV intercourse. Whether the period of abstinence is temporary or permanent, whether due to a lack of interest in sex or waiting for a more permanent birth control, being abstinent doesn’t preclude one from being loved.

  • If two partners are serious about not causing a pregnancy, but are unable or unwilling to receive vasectomies or tubal ligations, or other highly effective forms of birth prevention, then abstinence is the safest option there is.

  • There is always satisfaction in knowing that your actions won’t result in pregnancies.